Poly-Play – Autorennen

Not so much as a Martin Brundle gridwalk...

Not so much as a Martin Brundle gridwalk...

This won’t come as a shock to anyone but I’m really getting sick of these East German games; I’ve probably had my fill of crude graphics and derivative, unimaginative gameplay by now and I’m itching to get back to reviewing proper videogames. But, you know what, I’m going to finish these reviews, go right to the bitter end. That’s how much I care. Well, it’s a rough approximation of how much I care. Kind of.

But enough grumbling, let’s get back of Poly Play. Where are we now? Oh, that’s right, we’ve reached Autorennen known in English as “Motor Race”. That’s right, just as Hase und Wolf was VEB Polytechnik’s attempt at a Pac-Man game and Schmetterlinge was their attempt at wasting everyone’s time, this is those wacky Ost-lander’s attempt at something like Super Sprint (and, yes, Poly Play came first but the two were still contemporous so the comparison stands, pedants!). God help us…

And it is like Super Sprint in the most elementary way in that it’s got a track, seen from above, and cars racing on it. So what are the differences? Well, let me list them in handy bullet form.

  • There are only two cars
  • The cars move directionally rather than rotation and accelerate so up moves up, right moves right etc
  • There are no pick-ups or hazards on the road
  • There’s a middle “bridge” bit which keeps changing and messes up the route of the track, sometimes even preventing the cars from progressing meaning they have to wait until it changes!
  • The computer-controlled opponent is piss-poor and only seems to accelerate when you do.
  • It’s fucking crap.

Really, a couple of games of this and were all I ever wanted to see. Less Michael Schumacher and more Luca Badoer.

I give Autorennen one Karl Marx out of five.

Next, please…

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